Tuesday, October 28, 2008

So I started a blog

When I first found myself stalking this little board you may have heard of called GP back in June, I noticed that a number of the ladies had blogs. They were adorable, and sweet, and some were more than a little sad. While I loved clicking on the links in their sigs, I never for a moment thought of creating my own.

It wasn't because I'm not a writer. I am, in fact, a writer by trade. And it wasn't because I didn't want to share things too publiclly, because as you get to know me, you learn there's nothing I love more than a little well-earned attention. It was simply because I didn't think I needed to. I'd start mine when I got the BFP.

I walked into TTC land quite naive. Even with my trusty BBT and a well-worn TYOYF under my arm, I still believed it would be fairly easy. My husband and I would even joke that, knowing our luck, we'd be knocked up with twins within a week.

Nearly six months later, I am embarassed at how little I knew I was in for. Thanks to fluxuating hormone levels, delayed ovulation, and anovulatory cycles, we've only had two chances, and because I'm so unpredictable, we couldn't even give them the five-day marathons they deserved.

This morning began Cycle 4, and while I knew we had a slim chance last round, the reality of it has struck me harder than I could have anticipated. I'm depressed, frustrated, and in all honestly, just devestated. And I'm worried that Cycle 4 could be full of the pitfalls that have tripped us up in the past. I'm lost, and I'm not in control, and I hate it.

So maybe I do need a blog. And maybe I have a harder road ahead than I once thought. No matter how upsetting it has been, though, I know the road still leads to the same destination. And to eventually hold that sweet baby in my arms is worth whatever comes along the way.


Shell said...

Amen! I started a blog too.

Lindsay said...

I created a blog, but haven't actually started writing on it yet... 1 week into cycle 7 I'm thinking about starting my first entry. GL with cycle 4! ~LTF525