GBCGP?

No, not really. But I am kinda bowing out for awhile. I've decided my sanity is worth something.

GP was a God-send when I first ventured into TTC World and I would be a bumbling idiot without the advice and information the board provided. I am forever in the debt of so many smart, patient women.

After a few months, though, GP became a crutch. A place to go when work was pissing me off, or when I wanted to go all crazy bitch on some arrogant newbie. It was no longer a help, but a distraction.

And now, it's making me feel like a bad person. I truly like and admire many of the women I have met on there (and since those I'm referring to are probably the only ones reading this, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back), and I hate the pangs of jealousy that sadly occur when there's another BFP post. I am happy for them through and through. But there's of course that voice in the back of my head asking "Why not me?"

I have seen so many girls waltz in and out, their apparently easy-to-come-by BFPs in hand, and with each one I realize I'm toturing myself a little. When you are single you don't hang out at fancy restaurants and watch couples get engaged. When you are on a budget, you don't go to Neimen Marcus and rub your cheek against the $500 cashimere. Why, then, do I daily go and let myself become disheartened by strangers flaunting their pregnancies?

I will be around. When I have a legit question I know it's a great place to turn (after Google, of course). And I can always reach out to my new friends in good and bad. But GP itself has served it's real purpose for me and while I'm in trying mode, I think I'm better left to myself. This is going to take time. Might as well try to dull the pain where I can.