Wednesday, November 19, 2008


No, not really. But I am kinda bowing out for awhile. I've decided my sanity is worth something.

GP was a God-send when I first ventured into TTC World and I would be a bumbling idiot without the advice and information the board provided. I am forever in the debt of so many smart, patient women.

After a few months, though, GP became a crutch. A place to go when work was pissing me off, or when I wanted to go all crazy bitch on some arrogant newbie. It was no longer a help, but a distraction.

And now, it's making me feel like a bad person. I truly like and admire many of the women I have met on there (and since those I'm referring to are probably the only ones reading this, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back), and I hate the pangs of jealousy that sadly occur when there's another BFP post. I am happy for them through and through. But there's of course that voice in the back of my head asking "Why not me?"

I have seen so many girls waltz in and out, their apparently easy-to-come-by BFPs in hand, and with each one I realize I'm toturing myself a little. When you are single you don't hang out at fancy restaurants and watch couples get engaged. When you are on a budget, you don't go to Neimen Marcus and rub your cheek against the $500 cashimere. Why, then, do I daily go and let myself become disheartened by strangers flaunting their pregnancies?

I will be around. When I have a legit question I know it's a great place to turn (after Google, of course). And I can always reach out to my new friends in good and bad. But GP itself has served it's real purpose for me and while I'm in trying mode, I think I'm better left to myself. This is going to take time. Might as well try to dull the pain where I can.


Shannon said...

I've been where you are. I've found that its the friends I made on the board and not the board itself that brought me so much comfort. So no matter where you go, those who care will always be there for you :)

Lindsay said...

Hey Mel,
I know exactly what you mean. I've actually been feeling this way too recently. Make sure you keep posting on your blog so at least we can keep track of you that way! ~LTF525

Mary said...

Oh how I've been where you are! It's been a great place to meet some new girls and take comfort that I'm not the only one struggling at times. Keep on posting on your blog please so I can continue to stalk you. :)